


Light And Darkness

by SennaLaureen



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, post-redemption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-05-19 23:34:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5984809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SennaLaureen/pseuds/SennaLaureen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Even with Rey right next to him, Kylo can't sleep, can't silence the voice in his head.</i><br/> </p><p>This is the Valentine's Gift Exchange fic for TheJGatsby. A mix of the first two prompts "1. Something fluffy (dealer's choice) and 2. Angst feat. him thinking he's not good enough for her". I hope you like it!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Light And Darkness

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheJGatsby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheJGatsby/gifts).



He couldn't sleep again. It was now well into the early morning hours, and he gave up on trying. Rey was pressed against his side, her head tucked under his chin, her breath tickling his neck. He held her small hand in his, while his other arm was wrapped around her shoulders.

She was sound asleep, tired after a long day of training. He envied her. The memories of the war and his part in it kept him awake. Exhausted, he couldn't keep the voices away anymore.

_You are a murderer._

_You killed your own father, along with billions of innocent people._

_Do you really think you deserve this? Do you really think you deserve any of it? Rey's love? Forgiveness?_

_You are beyond forgiveness. There are crimes that cannot be forgiven._

_You don't deserve any of it. Especially Rey. She is a creature of light and love, and you are darkness within. A monster._

He looked down on Rey. Even in the darkness of the room she seemed to illuminate light. It was her Force signature: bright warm light, welcoming and full of unconditional love. She radiated it even in her sleep. Strange, that after all that training she still couldn't control it...

Kylo swallowed, realization a lump in his throat: she was perfectly in control of her powers, she let him feel that light on purpose.

_She is giving you her light because you lack your own._

_Her light is better spent on someone who actually deserves it. Who doesn't succumb to a spectacular self-pity fest after evaporating five planets in a never-ending temper tantrum._

The voice had a point, though. Why would Rey want to be with him after everything he did?

Kylo remembered her face, flushed with anger and an inch from killing him. If someone told him back then that he looked up at his future girlfriend, he'd laughed. A lot happened since then, and now Rey was comfortable enough to fall asleep with her head pillowed on his chest. He still couldn't believe it, though. Why would someone literally made of light even look at a monster like him, let alone fall in love?

That Rey fell in love with him, he didn't doubt. Their Force bond allowed them both to read each other's emotions, even though they agreed to not read each other's thoughts. Rey's waves of affection and love towards him were genuine. He just couldn't understand why.

But maybe he shouldn't ask himself this question. He witnessed enough in this world to know that things happen without an explanation, and you just have to deal with them.  Rey loved him, and the least he could do for her was to reciprocate that feeling, to love her as much as she deserves it, to be the person she needs him to be.

The voice was gone. Kylo let out a relieved sigh, and pulled Rey's small body closer, placing a feather-light kiss on her temple. Rey stirred, and let out a groan.

"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you."

"Don't worry," Rey raised her head and placed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, before climbing out of bed, enthusiasm and energy already flooding her. Kylo had no other choice as to follow her into the bathroom.

Rey brushed her teeth in front of the mirror, when Kylo came up behind her and embraced her middle, pressing her to his chest. His lips found the spot right between her shoulder and neck, where Rey was oversensitive, and proceeded to kiss it, enjoying every jolt of laugher mixed with shivers of lust from Rey's body.

She rinsed her mouth and turned around in the circle of his arms. Her hands cupped his face, her gaze was serious.

"You didn't sleep. Why?"

Kylo cursed - Rey must have noticed the circles under his eyes. He himself didn't deem his comfort important enough, but Rey was set on taking care of him.

"Sorry, couldn't fall asleep," he shrugged.

Rey knit her brows, worry showing through a furrow on her forehead. She pushed on his chest. "Move." He obeyed, and let her lead him back to bed. "Lay down."

"Rey, it's almost morning..."

"We can afford a day off, don't you think?" Her tone didn't tolerate any dissent. He climbed back to bed, followed by Rey, who supported herself on her elbow right next to him. Her fingers tenderly massaged his head, and Kylo found himself relaxing into the pillow.

Rey leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead. The last thing he heard before slipping into the land of dreams was Rey's voice whispering "Good night, my love."


End file.
